So I follow this musician on Twitter (@NickGuntyJM if you want to go ahead and follow him), and his clever tweets always manage to make my day. Just thought I'd share some...
Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.
Marriages are made in heaven, but then again so are thunder, lightening, tornadoes, and hail.
Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Anyone who says an onion is the only vegetable that will make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
What are the days of the vampire week? Moonday, Toothday, Veinday, Thirstday and Frightday.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Oh, the humor...
